bella_reeve (bella_reeve) wrote in beckett_mckay,

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Title: No One to Help
Series: The Haunting of Carson Beckett
Author: Bella_Reeve
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Character death, strong language, and slash
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Characters: All but focuses on Carson Beckett
Shippers: Beckett/McKay
Spoilers: N/A
Disclaimer: I don't know SGA and I'm not making money off of this.
Notes: Okay, so some of you were a little … worried about the idea or Orenda and let me just assure you that she is NOT a witch, does NOT have magical powers, and can NOT read Carson's mind. So if at first glance your Mary-Sue sensors exploded, fear not! She is not what you think.
Summary: "The air grew colder and Carson shivered before sitting up in
bed, 'It's you again, isn't it?'

Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three

I complicated our lives
By falling in love with him
I complicated our lives
Now I'm losing my only friend
I don't know why, I had to try
Living my life on the other side
Now I'm so confused
I don't know what to do
No where to turn,
No one to help,
It's almost like I don't even know myself.

-"Loves Me Not” by T.A.T.U.

He was running down a long black hallway. All around him, shadows and voices called, accusing him. The ghosts of all the patients he could not save, the lives he had lost, they were all around him and he couldn't save them. They wanted to repay him with his own life. Rodney's voice was loudest of all, calling him a liar and a murderer.

Bolting upright, Carson found himself drenched in cold sweat. Shaking he looked around. The room was still its normal heat and nothing supernatural appeared to have happened in his sleep. Rodney was probably resting like Ori had told him to. He had no desire to get up but he had already done so little work. He had to get something done today.

So he finally stood, showered, dressed, got a cup of coffee, and slowly made his way to his office. His feet felt so heavy. The whole city seemed to be pulling on him. It was never like this before. It was never like this with Rodney. It was like he suddenly saw himself unable to help anyone. No, it was more than that. There was a question haunting him. Was anyone worth saving in a world without the only thing that mattered to him anymore? Was there anyway he could go on saving people when he couldn’t save the one he wanted?

It really didn’t surprise him when, upon stepping into his office, he was met by John Sheppard and Elizabeth Weir. He had expected it. He sighed as the door closed behind him. He walked over to his desk and sat down.

“Well,” he said, running a shaking hand through his hair. “Let’s hear it. I know you came here to talk about Rodney and I want to hear it now.”

“Carson,” Weir said, clearly trying to choice each word carefully. “We know you said you saw him in that room but there wasn’t anyone there.”

“It isn’t him,” Carson said. “I told you. It’s his spirit. Why would I lie about this?”

“We don’t think you’re lying, Carson. We are just worried that your fear of losing Rodney has caused you to… well..”

“Go crazy?” He finished for them.

“No one is saying that!”

“But everyone is thinking it. Well, everyone except Ori.”

“Who?” John asked.

“Orenda Carver. I went to see her yesterday. She believes me.”

“You’re kidding, right? Carson, hasn’t anyone warned you about her? She’s insane!”

“Then why is she in Atlantis?”

“Because she is the best anthropologist around,” Weir answered. “She graduated two years early and was considered very high respected. And she is not insane, Colonel. She is just… Interesting.”

“She is also completely in love with you, Carson.” John added, ignoring the look Weir gave him.

“What?” Carson raised an eyebrow. “She isn’t in love with me. We haven’t even spoken. Besides, why would someone who loved me be helping me get Rodney back? You said it yourself, John. The only one here who could figure out I was head over heels for Rodney was Rodney.”

“That’s my point!” John sighed. “Carson, you don’t know that she’s helping. Hell, I’d have fired her a long time ago if she didn’t so much research done here. We are just trying to protect you. You’re my friend.”

“And Rodney is your friend, too.” He was getting annoyed now. “I don’t know why I can see him but I can and he is trying to tell me something and you can either help or stay the hell away from me. If you don’t believe me, than I’m not sure I can really call you a friend.”

“Carson—“ Elizabeth started.

“I have work to do. Please leave.” He started to pull out some paper worked, signing this and dating that. He didn’t look up at the two unwelcome guests for a long time until finally they sighed and got up.

“We are your friends, Carson,” Weir said. “Remember that.”

And they were gone.

Carson worked through lunch. He checked up on patients, got paper work done, successfully removed a rock from the throat of a rather clumsy geologist, and managed to only think about Rodney when he was alone. The phantom had not yet appeared to him today and he was starting to get just a little bit worried.

Late in the afternoon, there was a knock on the door. It was Ori. Today she was dressed in a lab coat, although her hair was done up nicely. She smiled brightly, her teeth showing through pink lips.

“Any news from beyond today?” She asked when she sat down.

“Not yet. I guess he really needed the rest. To what do I owe this pleasure.”

“I was wondering if you wanted to grab a bite to eat later. I happen to have snuck some very night scotch here and I was hoping to share it with company who didn’t think my area of expertise was a waste of time. What do you say?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” he said. “It’s not that I’m not tempted I just have a lot of work to still get done. And I haven’t been getting much sleep lately.”

“Well that’s fine, I just thought I’d ask.” She smiled and started to leave.



He opened his mouth and closed it a few times before sighing. “Earlier, Dr. Weir and Colonel Sheppard came in here. They mentioned something … something about you being in…in love with me?”

An awkward silence. Ori looked shocked and then after a moment laughed. “Well that’s one I haven’t heard. In love with you, am I? Why can’t two people just be friends here? Trust me, Carson, my emotions toward you are purely platonic. I just want to help you find Rodney.”

Carson nodded and smiled. “That is what I told them. I just thought I should tell you.”

“Well I’m glad you did. I’ll see you around, Carson. I’d like to talk with you more about this phantom you have following you. Have a nice night.” She waved goodbye and left him alone. But when the door closed, the room at once became colder. He turned his head and found Rodney standing next to him.

“Carson!” Said the spirit. “I don’t have much time.”

He was speaking in full sentences. That had to be a good sign. “Go on,” he said, wincing at the sound of his own voice. Really, John was right. He wore his emotions in his eyes and in his voice. So why couldn’t Rodney ever see or hear it?

“You need to find a way to bridge the two universes,” the scientist went one hurriedly. “It’s the only way. You have to hurry. I think I might be—“

“Might be what?” He reached out and tried to touch him but his hands went right through him. “Please talk to me?”

“I might be dying,” he whispered and looked into Carson’s eyes. “I’m scared. I’m so very scared. I need you. You are the only one I can reach. Please don’t let me die.”

“Never,” Carson swore, unable to stop the tear dripping down his face. “I’ll fix this. I’ll save you.”

“Please---soon---Carson---I—“ But it was too late. He faded away. Carson didn’t waste time. He ran down to the lab and at once told Zelenka the idea of building a bridge between universes.

“Could you do it?” Carson asked.

“In theory? Yes I could do it. I don’t know, it would take a lot of power that we might not have. And it would be much more helpful if Rodney was actually here. But it is a good idea. How did you think of it?”

“An angel told me.”

“Well we will get started on it. You know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were taking the idea straight out of Rodney’s head.”

Carson smiled. “Yeah… if you didn’t know any better…”

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