Title : The Sea's Evaporated, Though It Comes As No Surprise
Author : Vive les Unas
Pairing : McBeck
Rating : T
Summary : Carson's declaration to Rodney
Beta : tdancinghands
The Sea's Evaporated Though It Comes As No Surprise
Written for the mcbeck_challenges’ emotional prompts table. The title comes from a Placebo song, “Sleeping With Ghosts”. There will be two sequels to this fic, with the “anger” and “lust” prompts. This OS is set to happen somewhere in the second half of season five. Approximately 300 words.
A mountain of pastries for tdancinghands who helped me a lot to make this fic look good and corrected my spelling and my tense problems !
“The truth is I…I can’t stand this anymore. I can’t wait for you to see it anymore. And to be honest I think everyone's probably noticed already it because I’m not... very... subtle. At all. And it’s eating me alive, hurting me, physically. Oh God, that’s cliché...”
With a sigh Carson violently sat on his bed and buried his face in his hands in despair. For seven years, since he first laid eyes on Doctor Rodney McKay, he had been trying to confess his feelings towards him, to tell him he loved him. He had imagined it a thousand times in his head, in his dreams. Sometimes Rodney would kiss him afterwards, tell him he loved him too, and they would make love and live happily ever after. Sometimes Rodney would hit him and run away, and tell everyone that he was a perv and a fag that had taken advantage of his friendship to feed his delusional fantasies.
He couldn’t possibly tell him. No way. That would screw up everything he had with him, this friendship, this intimacy.
On the other hand, keeping his secret was getting more painful everyday. He ached to touch him, to be with him. These two years with Michael had taken their toll on his mind, and he was feeling more insecure than ever. He needed someone to reassure and understand him. He needed Rodney.
He had missed him so much during his imprisonment. The thought of seeing him again was the only thing that had kept him alive, he reckoned. Carson had made himself the promise that he would no longer lie to him, because Rodney deserved better. Better than him perhaps.
Nervously clutching his elbow with shaking fingers, he rose and opened the door of his quarters to go and see his best friend. Now or never, he thought, even if Rodney rejected him it would allow him to move on and find someone else.
Except he didn’t want anybody else. How could he? Rodney was Rodney; he didn’t think he could ever fall in love with someone else. He had this deep feeling that Rodney was his match, his soul mate, and that sounded ridiculous but he couldn't help believing in this romantic bullshit.
His stomach hurt. He couldn’t breathe properly. And McKay showing up at his door in his t-shirt and pyjama pants didn’t help either.
“Carson” smiled Rodney, obviously delighted to see him. “It’s two in the morning. How come you’re not sleeping?”
“I haven't woken you, have I?" Carson let go with a heavy sigh.
“Of course not, I’m working. On my free time. It has nothing to do with Ancient-related stuff, and I don’t think Woolsey would like me to use the expedition’s resources to write a science-fiction novel. Come in!”
Beckett did and reached for a chair the second he was in, afraid his knees might give way under the stress. The scientist seemed to notice his nervousness. “You’re writing a novel then?" Carson asked. "What is it about?”
“Sexy female robots trying to take over the universe,” he said as he sat on the bed in front of his friend, worrying about him. “Carson, are you okay?”
“Not really,” Carson answered.
McKay bit his lip and put his hand on the doctor’s forehead, which made the latter shiver.
“Carson, you’re not dying again, are you?” Rodney asked.
“Metaphorically I think I am, yes,” gasped the Scottish man.
Rodney seemed utterly lost, and Carson knew he hated that feeling. He figured his friend was used to understanding everything the second it was formulated, and often even before the thought had even reached the other person’s mind. And if there was a person Rodney understood without any use of the language medium, it was Carson. There was definitely something wrong here.
“I don’t care much about poetry," Rodney replied. "Would you please tell me what’s going on?”
“I think I’m having a panic attack,” whispered the doctor.
“Why?!” shouted the other man, sounding worried and considerably lost. “You can tell me. You know I’m ready to hear everything! Have you done something wrong?”
“I love you!!” Carson cried. “Okay, now I’ve said it; I love you! I always did and I don’t think I’ll ever stop. And I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable but I just can’t pretend anymore!”
Beckett soon realized that it was better outside than inside, and that the huge rock that had settled in his throat earlier suddenly felt less heavy. On the other hand, Rodney didn’t seem to be able to breathe anymore.